I'm trying real hard to be a smartass.

Why do legs smell and noses run?

Why is it called a shipment when you move something by truck, and cargo when you move something by ship?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Why do doctors call what they do practice?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why do people say "gross negligence"? Is negligence ever attractive?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous if the first two things you tell everybody is your name and the fact that you are an alcoholic?

Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?

Why do they call it life insurance?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it called 'rainforest', and what do you call it during a drought?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why is it that when you are on the telephone, writing furiously and holding a finger up to tell the person who just came into your office to hold on a second, they ask "Do you have a minute?"

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavors, but dishwashing liquid made from real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why is there only one monopolies and mergers commission?

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?