What is wrong with me?

It's now just about two years since I broke up with Michelle. I went to sleep at 4 in the morning today. I woke up at 9am today. I was dreaming of Michelle. We were doing something together, then, dreams being dreams, I couldn't find her. Then she was lying on the lap of a guy who was kissing another girl. When I pulled her aside, she yelled at me and asked me what I was doing, and said that she was with another guy. This guy was sitting by himself. I yelled 'if you're with him, then what are you doing with him?!' and was so upset, I woke up, after just 5 hours of sleep.

It hurts so much. I've never been so upset by a dream before. It felt just the same as when I first found out she had a new boyfriend.

Is the whole world moving forward except me? I feel like I'm stuck in a whirlpool. I've moving all right, but while everyone flows down the river, I keep circling at the same spot. Whirlpools are death traps. Many people in South America die after getting caught in a river whirlpool. Is that the same fate in store for me emotionally? I've not been able to have a relationship with anybody since I broke up. I'm starting to wonder if it's because I've been scarred beyond redemption.