I could leave you, say goodbye; Or I could love you if I try, and left to my own devices I probably would.

Just kidding.

I was talking to Karen just now. In case you guys are also wondering, no, I do not have a girlfriend, and yes, I still think of my ex once in a while. Well, it's not like I aint tried to get hooked up with somebody. Okay maybe it's because I aint tried hard enough. Since I got here, I don't think I've actually been on a date yet. That kinda sucks, yeah? See now Karen made an interesting point that perhaps the reason why I am not with someone is because I am still thinking about my ex. Well maybe, then again, it might just be that I'm still thinking about my ex once in a while because I'm not with somebody. It's a bit of both I guess. I mean I can seriously berate myself for the lack of concerted efforts in that area since I got here. I mean I although I wasn't with someone back in Singapore, I was still dating... and after I got here, it seems like my social life's disappeared. I blame the southern setting, the fact that I am yellow and the lack of attractive asian girls in Auburn. But the greatest cause is perhaps the fact that I feel somehow lesser. Maybe it's because I'm in an unfamiliar environment, or perhaps it's due to the fact that I'm both a foreigner and a member of a minority group. Maybe it's also due to the fact that people here are more xenophobic, although I doubt anyone can be more xenophobic, or in this case, ahnehphobic than Xiu0. XD See la Karen, you've got me staying up past my bedtime to rant about my pathetic personal life at 1am in the morning when I have class at 8am the next morning. Okay time to practice some spanish. Es la una menos diez de la noche. Mi clase de hístoria es a las ocho en punto de la mañana. ¡Caray! Translation: It's 1250am. My history class is at 8o'clock sharp in the morning. Shit!

Tsk...

This is weird: I actually am feeling good.

This is so damn weird. After a day of purposeless rotting in the house, then dragging myself to the gym and then to a short two mile run in the freezing cold, I am actually feeling pretty good. Maybe all that lack of exercise's gotten to me after all those months... you know... too many lipids in my body maybe...

Anyway, since there's so much angst on this blog, I think the template aint really appropriate. It looks so mild and peaceful and whatnot so I guess I'll be changing it really soon, probably once I get done with the cars, the upcoming tests and the fraternity rushes and whatnot (read: in 2 month's time.)

Oh well the main purpose of this post is to tell you guys about this game that I've just come across. It's really simple, and quite oldschool, but has surprising depth. The soundtrack' real cool too... Check it out. It's free and only 4mb big. The combat is simple, but needs a whole lot more micro-management that it seems.

Some major ANGST

Its one day more than 3 weeks into the new year, and there is only one thing that I am sure of. 2005's a piece of shit, and it's only gonna get shittier. Well, if you would care what happened, you would have already know what shit I've been through, so I don't feel motivated to re-list all that shit here.

Here's some things that I've learnt, or more accurately, realized, in this year full of baptisms of fire (read: fuck-ups.)

NEVER buy an American car, no matter what everyone else says. If it's made in America, it's a piece of shit. Kinda makes you think what a Proton is. Hmmm... what's lower than shit? Nothing comes to mind right now. If you ever figure out the answer to that question, I guess a Proton's that. 1/2 way around the globe and I'm still bitching about our poorer bitchass neighbour. I guess you can take the Singaporean out of Singapore but you can't take the Singapore out of the Singaporean. Malaysia's only good for 2 things. Screwing up and pirated VCDs.

I care too much about certain people who don't give a damn, and care too little about those who do. Yeap... you guys probably know it by now... the more I love you, apparently, the less I bother. Talk about getting my priorities all screwed up... what an asshole eh? But who cares, you love me anyway. If you don't, go screw yourself.

There are plenty of shitheads who can't drive. Yet, the state department churns out licenses by the millions and hands them out like candy to any shithead who has five dollars, a hand and a foot. They've got congressmen bitching about social security. Why don't they get their act together at take a look at TRAFFIC SAFETY? God damnit, the shitheads in cars ARE the reason they have to worry about social security in the first place. How the hell did they think people get crippled? By eating the wrong breakfast cereal? "Son, you better not eat those Cocopops. You don't want to end up in a wheelchair like your uncle Sam now, do you?"

The tsunami shit is over-rated. Okay. It's tragic. Many people died. GET OVER IT. No, I do NOT want to raise any more funds. Yeah, they'll come begging you for money NOW. Two years later, the same people whose lives your money put back together will be critisizing you for being insensitive tourists. However, I do NOT think that those people deserved it, unlike a certain shithead who claims to be a prince from Nigeria, who apparently said that those people in India deserved the tsunami because that is God's way of punishing them for their sins. Right. So AIDS is God's way of punishing Nigerians then. All that being said, that dollar I put in the donation box for the 248732th time yesterday is the last time I'm going to give anything. It's OLD, and I'm fucking broke. DO NOT LIVE IN COAST REGIONS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET KILLED IN A TSUNAMI. Also, to avoid getting killed in tsunamis, do not visit beaches for holidays. Use some common sense people. It's just like not putting a piece of hot coal into your mouth. Common sense people, common sense. It's funny why they call it common sense anyway, since it aint common at all.

TEPPANYAKI: Forturnately for the teppanyaki industry, Americans do not know the true meaning of the word teppanyaki. No, it does not mean "broiled on a steel grill."It means "Fucking Ripoff." See, for 20 USD you'll get a chunk of blackened fish OR lots of chunks of soy-enriched (no, it's not enriched with soy protein. Its enriched with soy sauce.) chicken and deformed shivelled up pieces of things that's supposed to be beef but taste more like rubber. You also get some rice and some noodles and some plants and shrooms, (nope, these shrooms dun gif u a trip,) all of which come in spectacularly modest proportions. To top it all off, all these are cooked on a piece of stainless steel for your viewing pleasure, or for second and subsequent visits, displeasure. I wonder why they call it stainless steel. Really, a shiny piece of steel with a black circle in the middle doesn't really correspond to the term"stainless." Looks more like stained steel. Yeah, well at least you get someone to do some shit with the knives and the food and try to impress you by setting your vegetables on fire then feeding them to you afterwards. Well... I hate to burst the white male's fantasy, but that waitress that had just served him is a Filipino, the chef is Indonesian, and the restaurant's owned by a Viet. Wake up Neo, welcome to the REAL world. To top it all off, the 'chef' cleans the table in front of you while you are eating. I put the word chef in inverted commas because I think clown would be a much better title for him as he breaks more sweat twirling his utensils then using them and I could cook better blindfolded with one hand than he can ever hope to. Driving home the final yard, the 'chef' does a lousy job of cleaning the stained steel plate, giving you a tableside education on the lack of hygiene in restaurants. And these customers are the same people who cringe at the thought of eating food from a roadside stall in Puket. Go figure. Oh well, guess they don't have to worry about roadside food in Puket anymore... with the amount of money they are asking for, I don't think there's anything that is even remotely edible within a 100 mile radius of that island.

All that that's all I'm gonna bitch about today. It's kinda hard since I'm not born with a lack of testicles and extra estrogen.

Anyway, are you a true slacker?

I'm really stressed out and stuff.

This week's been really terrible. I'm real stressed up and stuff so that won't be any of those nice links (or at least I think they're nice) until I get all the shit straightened up. It's kinda good though... I'm stressing out so much over my car that I dun really think about anything else at all. I really want to start putting mp3s on my school's server and change the playa to one that can play multiple songs but then again I've not the time to go and get the cd with the FTP software from the school library. Juliana, if you're reading this, you were supposed to pass yours to me. Anyway, chill, or watever until I get unstressed again alright.

Shit happens

My car's engines just fucked up. Needs around 2k to repair it. I'm gonna look around and see if I can sell it to a dealer with less loss and get another to replace it. No point dumping 2k into an American car.

Chrysler: Unreliability comes standard

Fucked up car. I think the fuel injection chip gave way just now on the freeway. Luckily I could get off the interstate, and after a while a backup kicked in or something and I could get back to Auburn. Fuck Chrysler. Inspiration comes standard my ass.

I'm so sorry.

Its 2 Sunday morning. While the rest of Auburn sleep, I am sitting here typing away at my blog. I don't really know what to say. It's hard to put into words what I feel inside. I guess I'm feeling down, and I think it's because of a fundamental flaw in my character.

Regret, and the wish to prevent it, is one of the main considerations behind my every action these days. The past weighs too much on my mind. There are certain events in my life in which I had made a less-than-desireable decision, and those events never cease to haunt me. Every now and then, recollections of these events, some of them from as far back as ten years ago, never fail to make me crinch, wishing that I had done things another way.

I have been, and still am, living in the past. Whenever the present fails to consume my whole consciousness, the past creeps back to haunt me. They were joking when they called these things 'ghosts from our past.' These ghosts are very real, and they are very distressing. I relive these events over and over again in my mind, wondering how things would have turned out if I had done things differently. Always am I indulging in the fantasy that I would somehow be able to change the past, and the present would be that much different.

I know that I would not have become the person I am had things turn out different. I know that it is a catch 22 more often than not. I would not have wanted to do things differently had I not made that decision which lead to the chain of events which would cumulate in me regretting my past actions. Although I see very clearly the futility and senselessness of regret, I am unable to shake its grasp on me.

I have a theory that maybe if I stopped keeping these things to myself, I would be able to let those ghosts go, and move on with life. I feel that not one day passes without my past reaching out and touching my present, tainting it with its ever-present stain.

Hence, I would like to try to atone for a little bit of my sins, and apologize to certain people, for certain things that I had done, or had failed to do, in the past.

Granny: I wish I had spent more time talking with you instead of shouting at you. I was young. Forgive me. I would always remember those times we shared together when I was younger, those afternoons without anyone else, at the back of the kitchen cooking that red-bean and chicken stew in the charcoal stove. I wish you were still around to teach me how to cook that dish. I wish you could have seen the person I am now.

Michelle: I'm sorry I became the way I was. No, it wasn't the army. It was because I was a boy, and boys don't know any better. I wish I had been more confident and less cocky. I did not get along well with your university friends not because they weren't nice, but because I was insecure, and a complete asshole. I'm sorry for all those times that I ruined things because I lost my temper. I used to think that it was okay, for I always apologized and we made up. I know better now. Those harsh words I used can be taken back, but they would always leave scars. I'm sorry for hurting you the same time that I was loving you. I wish it was just sweet, and not bittersweet. I'm sorry for walking away from you that night. I left you that night because I thought I deserved someone better. Now, I know that I walked away that night because I didn't deserve you. I would have given everything I had just to go back to that moment and tell you all these things, and hold you in my arms, and ask for another chance. But it is not possible. I wish I had been a man instead of a child when I was with you. I loved you more and I know that you knew. I understand now why you left. I wish I could have told you all these in person. I'm sorry for everything.

Xiulin: There are times, especially those times in the clubs that I wish I had done differently. I'm sorry for cussing at you that time when you cut in when I was talking to two girls at Dbl O. I'm sorry for leaving you that rainy night after Mdm Wong's. Guess I didn't grow up that much after all. I realize I always abuse the people that I love most. Sorry bout that.

Voyuer Webcam!

Some people will do anything to sell their product... Seeing is believing I guess.

There's a very strange girl in town.

Mmmm.... finally something to break up the monotony of this boring week. There's a new girl from Japan in town, and the circumstances surrounding her arrival are really weird. First of all, prior to her arrival, she signed off an email with the name 'Takako,' which was not in the school's system. Bill, the guy in charge of Japanese students (yeah just Japanese students. He has a thing for Japanese girls...) had to tell her that her name was not on the school's system and ask her for her name again. This time, she gave her name as 'Saori,' but the telephone number that she gave was wrong. She says that the telephone number error was a typo. Now, it gets weirder. When she arrives, and one meets one of my Japanese friends, she doesn't ask about Auburn, the States, the school or whatever. She asks my friend to tell her about herself. She speaks fluent English, which is uncommon for students who came straight from Japan without spending highschool somewhere in the states. Also, she claims not to have spoken English in Japan. Another thing weird about this girl is that she doesn't shop. She just buys. She doesn't even browse through the items, and just walks up and asks someone in the store if they have what she wants. Extremely efficient.
Some of the more theories that the twins and Naoko (another Japanese friend) came up with (ok ok I was also involved) is that she may be 1)a government witness under witness protection 2)a spy 3)an undercover FBI/CIA/Interpol agent, 4) an alien (yeah those things from space, not Vietnam 5)an MIB 6) a daugher of a yakuza boss 7) a yakuza boss.
Also, I have come to the conclusion that people with nothing better to do will tend to poke their noses into other people's businesses.

Dejected

I am feeling dejected. unkymoods does not have this emotion available. unkymoods suck.

Anyway... this is an actual screenshot of the Nigerian Government's website from July last year. But seriously... with all those scams floating around, who are they trying to kid?

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose.

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.

Which literature classic are you?


Eh I dun really think I give a shit about Catholic vs liberal issues.

2004 Recap!

Eh... keeping in line with the recently established trend of having 3 posts a day, I shall recap my 2004. Feeling down and depressed about your past year? Don't worry. Read on and you will realize that your year really wasn't that bad after all.

Summary: PDFU.
Pretty Damn Fucked Up.
Fuck-up 1) This winter, I put on 7kg.
Fuck-up 2) My nice hair is gone. The saloons here cost a bomb.
Fuck-up 3) I did NOT get the car I want.
Fuck-up 4) I got a cut in allowances.
Fuck-up 5) I still do not have a part-time job.
Fuck-up 6) I miss everyone in Singapore cuz I came to Auburn, esp Mark, Wilson, Ying, Xiu0.
Fuck-up 7) I kept the right ones out and let the wrong ones in. (Hmmm... sounds familiar eh? Think Aerosmith and 'Crazy.')
Fuck-up 8) I have not clubbed since I left Singapore.
Fuck-up 9) I suffered a downgrade in cellphone technology from a 7250 to a dunno-wut-model black white liquid crystal phone.
Fuck-up 10 -the mother of all Fuck-ups-) I HAVE NO LIFE! Why else do you think I have the time to put up so many freaking posts and pictures??

See! Told you your 2004 aint so bad. Don't you feel much better? Okay now get back to whatever you were doing.

Revisitation

The past is often not as good as we imagine, but often, it was good enough back then.

Okay the above picture is titled "Revisitation" and the line below it is whatever you put below a picture. Bleh. Hee I've taken up photography. Will post some of the better (or at least I think they're better) photographs as I capture them. Please leave comments!

Anyway I've posted a whole damn lot of picture on my photolog. Check them out. I think I put like 30 of them up today. Maybe more. Please please please I would very much welcome feedback on the above picture. Once again, the photolog can also be accessed through the link on the sidebar.

Go. Knock yourselves out.

On the third day of the new year...

Just 3 days into the new year and its looking as fucked up as the last one. First of all, some morons had the crazy idea of collecting rent on the 1st of EVERY month. Why do they collect rent on the 1st when people get their pay on the 10th? So that "Pay advance" firms can exist I tell ya. In Singapore they're called loan sharks, spot tatoos and have like 3 billion ah beng ka giars. Over here you get fat pieces of trash sitting in leather seats in white singlets. Well on second thought I wouldn't mind some idiots getting ripped off every month to keep their fat asses off the streets.
So here I am, on the 3rd day of the new year, driving back to Auburn CITY. I have no freaking idea why in God's name they name this place Auburn CITY. Fuck. I've seen villages that are bigger than this. I bet my parking lot has its own zip code. Why am I bitching about the size of the city? Cuz I'm fucking sitting on my ass in my apartment writing this piece of crap that you're reading right now. There's no fucking thing to do here. Got back to Auburn thinking that maybe I could hang out with the twins abit cuz I missed them and all but they've got a visitor over or whatever. So that leaves me with a grand total of ZERO people to hang out with in Auburn. And it's not like you could just go to the mall and waste a day there or go to an art gallery or something here. Picture Tampines. Ok. That's the size of Auburn. My campus is the size of TP. And NO. There is no 5 storeyed shopping mall here.
As I was saying, I was driving back to Auburn, and like half way on the way back, while I was following a white SUV going 90 miles per hour, this red truck driven by this white trash piece of shit in front of the SUV DROPS HIS LADDER! Yeap. The steel 5 foot ladder drops onto the freeway. And you know what? The fuck steps on the breaks to retrieve the ladder. I hope he got run over when he went to retrieve it. Almost made me crash into the white SUV. Maybe I'll get Mark the GOD to hex him or something... Give him a small weiner maybe... Fucking pissed. How the fuck does a ladder drop off a truck on the freeway? Maybe the driver was blonde.
Gar! I think I'm gonna go sleep a while. Nothing much to do but hibernate anyway.

So many posts a day... I need to get a life...

Yeap. Third post today. Too damn bored I guess. Okay 2005 resolutions. Believe it or not, this is the first time I've ever made resolutions. Alright here goes.

1) Get a life! Yeap... and stop being online all the time. Aint really been having much of a life since I got to the states.

2) Know more non-yellow people! Yeah.. since I'm in Alabama, figured I really should get to know more people who are not of Asian decent. It would really be quite sad to keep to hanging around asians all the time I guess.

3) Stop fretting over things I have no control over. Yeah... that's been keeping me bipolar since 2003. Finally got out of the habit. Feels much betta!

4) Lose 15 pounds! Yeah... standard resolution. I know... I know.

5) Start saving! Hmmm yeah... start saving. The impossible resolution.

6) Stop getting too caught up with life. Yeap yeap dun wanna go mia on my friends again... heh...

Anyway, here's one for the pet lovers. Anyway, enough of this crap. Go back to what you were doing.

Photolog!

Alright! I've shifted all the pictures to the brand new photolog. Alternatively, you can click on the View my photographs! link on the sidebar. By the way, Mark has a really cool blog. Check it out!

Download the internet!

A call received by tech support: "I want to download the internet. Do I need a bigger harddisk?"
Download the internet here!

Can you survive in the Whitehouse?

Heh did the Jung Personality Test and the Enneagram Test... the results:

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Anyway... ever wondered what it would take to survive in the Whitehouse? Find out!

So bad... yet so good...

Heh ying sent me the link for this clip.

This reminds me of what happens at the Singapore-Johore causeway. Watch it. Then think customs and petrol.

Hmmm.... din't know Pavarotti had a thing for elephants.